2002-11-13 - 1:30 p.m.

musik: Bjork-Homogenic

I've been trying hard not to update. boy has this week sucked and its only wednesday. and it doesn't seem like its going to get any better between parents, being broke and having bills, and overall dissapointments.

"i could just pretend that you love me"-leather

The concert was ok. The musik, set, lighting, setlist was great~ everything else was bad. as much as the songs were picked almost for me, and while I was on the verge of tears through most of it...I just couldn't get very deeply into it. but that was due to things which I should have fucking known better. but back to the songs...lots of Boys for Pele, and Venus which made me happy. sadly nothing from chiorgirl hotel....

Wampum Prayer

a sorta fairytale

Sugar

Little Amsterdam

Concertina

Pancake

Caught A Lite Sneeze

Mrs. Jesus

Wednesday

Crucify

Band leaves

Mother

Not The Red Baron

Famous Blue Raincoat

Band returns

Strange

Bliss

Scarlet's Walk

Tear In Your Hand

Take To The Sky

I Can't See New York

Spring Haze

1st encore

Leather (solo)

Lust

Sweet Sangria

2nd encore

In The Springtime Of His Voodoo

Hey Jupiter

I loved the progression of the show. each song seemed to bleed into the next, meaning wise for me. even if it was only a line or two. like the line from Spring Haze: "why does it always end up like this" to leather's: whole "oh god why am I here, if love isn't forever...." to lust. which is one of my songs. and then sweet sangria's: "It matters now to you and me" which went into my song of dissapointment: springtime of his voodoo... and then into my favorite version of Hey Jupiter with the line "I know he isn't you" and the pairing of Famous Blue Raincoat with Strange was emotional for me. but then she'd play some of my favorites like Sugar, Mother, Tear in your Hand, Hey Jupiter and she played Take to the Sky which I was hoping for. still no Blood Roses. but ha* maybe the 10th time will be a charm.

"my father says You're not making any money"-Take to the Sky

so my parents are on my case about money. I owe dad like 700 bucks for school. plus my car payments of 250. not to forget the 500 credit card debt. which I have a $115 payment due friday. I get paid tomorrow. which will probably be about $80.ish I'm overdrawn in my account. and will have to go into the pitiful sorry excuse for a savings account ($40) and maybe even turn in my New Orleans coin jar just to hopefully make the credit card payment. which will be late so add another fucking 36 dollars. not to mention since I'm overdrawn in my account thats another 36 dollars. which leaves me no money for dad. and no money for this weekend. or the next or the next. and I haven't even started on christmas and birthday presents. since dad's birthday is the 23rd. fiona's is the 22nd and then I have caustic, Noritha, mike, mom, kara... I know I'm forgetting someone. *sigh* and christmas is right in the middle there. and for the fucking cherry on the whole I'm fucked sundae... on the 20th dad is dropping me from his health/medical insurance. so thats more fucking money I dont have going to fucking waste. I'm so tired. of everything.

"in these jeans of his with her name still on it"-silent all these years...

But wait. there's more. I just don't feel like getting into it. its about feelings and future stuff and if the above didn't make me want to crawl into bed and hide. this certainly would. I just don't feel like I can compete with a ghost girl. and then I think well why should I have to? and then I realize that even a ghost is better than me.

if you think _you're_ confused... *ha you have no idea how confused I am...