2002-10-21 - 10:44 p.m.

musiK: NIN-fragile disk right

I've been avoiding updating. I'm just in such a dismal mood. maybe its the weather. maybe its the season. for me its all downhill after halloween. once the air gets cold and crisp. and my bones stay ice cold...I just can't function normally.

I don't know what is going on inside my head. I'm having these insane thoughts of death all the time. mostly mine. and its not suicide-- just a unfortunate and untimely demise. at random times during the day I'll think wow, if this or that were to happen, I'd die. mostly I try and picture my funeral. its sick.

and to top it off I'm feeling useless again. and invisible. just an overall worthless pain in the ass to everyone. the desperate/needy girl is taking over.