2002-10-08 - 3:57 p.m.

musiK: Tori Amos-6 song Scarlet sampler.

hmm I've wasted yet another day. I did manage to go to class this morning. got our tests back. he didn't even give me a grade. it just said: "retest: see me and we'll go over it" *laugh* I thought it was really funny.

I came home and went to bed. and slept on and off for 4 hours. I ate lunch and painted a little... now I'm waiting to get ready for work. I so don't feel like working. but I need the money.

I should type up my hours for modeling so I can turn those in... that should be a lot of money!

musiK: No Doubt- Rock Steady

I have tried to do the things on my to do list. I really have been slowly working on my room. picking at it really. and homework *laugh*

my books never leave my car. I'll be amazed if I pass this semester. this whole "I'm so fucking over school and don't give a damn" is unusual for me. I would never have skipped esp. as much as I have this semester. *Sigh* I guess I'll have to apply myself. damn it.

and I tried to make an appointment with the doctor but they're closed on tuesdays! which is annoying. I guess I'll have to try calling tomorrow. I'm kinda nervous though. about 2 things. 1. getting back on birth control. and really its only the side effects like weight gain. and sleepiness...I've gained so much weight being on the pill. and I had just lost most of it. *ha. is it worth it? I'm thinking this time yes. so number 2. while I'm a tiny bit 5% worried about my hiv/aids test (does anyone doubt that ex-cute guy/wannabe prince of darkness is a total man slut?) I'm more worried about my breast exam. I don't think its normal to be in this much pain. and its not that I haven't been checking myself, I just doubt I'm doing it right. hmm... sometimes it just isn't fun to be a girl. and yet other times *ha it is. but there is this voice in the back of my head. and it whispers words like augmentation which is just so scarey. because for all my love of the androgonus(sp?) I honestly love my girly self. even if it is "cute"

eh I'm probably just being silly in a worrisome kinda way... I guess I'll find out eventually.

If these are my biggest problems school, weight, and boobs then I think I'm doing ok. *laugh* I mean it wasn't so long ago that I had other problems. which seem to have dissapeared or at least are in re-repressed. Grr. I really don't want to go to work. fuck.