2002-05-09 - 12:02 a.m.

musik: none. I'm watching a movie.

I had an insteresting day. honest and event*full. Talked to chris. all about what I want~ he was a little hurt, but reacted very well. it was good to get it all out~ now what to do with it?

but thats another topic. and then I met up with kara for her break. it was good. she ran off to go kid.nap her boyfriend and bring him back... and then I got ready for the art opening. I looked pretty good. I love that skirt esp. with those stockings. I was feeling so good about my thighs. which is strange. but whatever. so jenny and I met up at borders, waiting for noritha, her husband and fiona(!) and I don't know... grr I don't want to talk about it. I was miserable. and I hate myself for it. but whatever. so then we all decide to go and do something so we go to java. it was great with fiona. she is a amazing little person. I love her! I am so excited to see her grow up and become herself. anyway so we're sitting there talking and I'm telling them all about the talk chris and I had. and noritha goes "tori, watch out" and I totally didn't get it until I look out the window. and saw Justin and his friend walking by. so funny. I just don't think this town is big enough. I mean yeah I was thrilled to see him~ but I also felt awkward because. well, because I just wasn't expecting it. I was knocked off my feet really~ and of course noritha and her gang quickly left to get the little princess in bed. and jenny was having a nicotine fit so we went upstairs, not knowing to sit with them or not. so we sat next to them. sharing conversations sometimes. and I came home afterwards and just felt old. do I really look that young? and what is it about me that projects this? I'm feeling like I should *gasp* act my age but I don't know what that is. and if its really me. why can't I be good enough? grr what is my problem? (which one?) why am I so jealous? why can't I make myself happy? Why can't I get what I want? *sigh* I'm going back to my movie.

"anything less than extraordiary is a waste of my time...."