2002-05-04 - 1:20 a.m.

musiK: "RID OF ME"-PJ HARVEY

well tonight was just perfect. I went out to dinner with jenny and her friends, matt and rachel. that was nice. I actually had lots of fun. matt is very amusing. and I was so thankfull jenny was there! and then we got out of dinner around 8:30...and I went home and waited until it was after 11 and I drove to ihop. and waited. and waited. and waited. I couldn't beleive it. he stood me up! I've never been stood up before. I'm still in hurtfull shock. what a nice an appropriate way to tell someone to FUCK OFF. I felt like such a loser. luckily I had my new book and my journal to keep me company. I am still just so hurt. one of my biggest fears is being ignored. and well I'd have to say unless he was in some tragic accident he was definatly ignoring me. mollie called me 3 times to check on me and after I finally got out of there (the waitress didn't charge me for my drink) I called jenny in distress. she said he's not worth it. and I'm so terribly upset. I just can't beleive today even happened. work is so going to suck tomorrow. I don't want to be there and I can't imagine how painfully slow and tireing the day will go for me. fuck. I still can't believe it. I'm going to bed. maybe my dreams will be nicer.